What you should know!
- Recent opinion favours leaving the move to solid food until after the six month stage when babies digestive systems are ready and able to cope with it. Any earlier may increase the risk of food allergies.
- If you have a hungry baby who, after the 4/5 month mark does not seem satisfied with breast milk or formula, speak to your doctor or local healthcare centre for advice before supplementing.
- There comes a stage around 1 when, according to David Coleman in his book ‘Parenting is child’s play’, there may come a natural ‘fear’ or caution around new foods. Do not despair if your heretofore hearty eater starts to be more discerning!
- If a child does not like a particular food, just leave it and reintroduce it at a later time.
- The older the child, the longer you should leave before reintroducing it and perhaps present it slightly differently the next time
- Surprisingly, if left to their own resources most children (in the early years) would eat all the nutrients required.
- You cannot overfeed a baby. They will turn their head away or spit it back out if they get too much. Failing that, it will all come back up when their tummies cannot cope. As they get older, however, we take over deciding when they are eating enough or not. Strange.
- Do not feel that they should be eating more and more as they go from age 3 to 4 to 5 etc. A 4 year old child, for example, does not have to eat twice as much as a 2 year old for example. Check out whether your expectations re what and how much they should eating is realistic.
- A survey in Australia earlier this year found that children as young as 5 can recognise healthy food. The level of recognition was closely linked to their parents nutritional knowledge.
For you……..
- Let go of the anxiety around what they do or do not eat. If you are concerned, speak to your doctor and they can ascertain whether or not they are undernourished or suffering health wise at present. If reassurance is forthcoming, then relax and read on.
- Make a list of all the foods they ‘do eat (you may well be surprised) rather than focusing on what they do not eat.
- From that list have a look to see what key nutrients they are getting. Sometimes it may come from unexpected sources – hummus, peanut butter or tuna provide protein for example.
- Get creative re adding what may be missing. Making smoothies (yogurt, fruit, juice and a few ice cubes), juices, or mixing an egg into mashed potato and browning/crisping off in the oven for example. There are many books and websites dedicated to providing much more and better ideas than I could here. They are worth checking out.
- For some children, getting involved in the shopping, preparing and presentation of food can be beneficial. My experience however is, that most parents who are reading this for help have already tried this out. For some it will work but if, for you and your child this did not work or has ‘worn off’, read on……….
- Offer choices which are acceptable to you. If not eating has become a power struggle, this will enable them feel that they have a choice but it is between options which will both be of nutritional benefit.
- Don’t have anything in the house that you do not want them to have. If there are no biscuits, ice-cream or fizzy drinks, there can be no rows as to whether or not they can have them.
- Never force feed or offer food as comfort. If we do it can create mixed messages and associations for them going forward.
- If we offer a treat or dessert as ‘reward’ for eating up all their dinner, we are giving a message that the dinner is something ‘yucky’ they may have to get out of the way in order for them to get something ‘nice’!
- Avoid labels. If you think or refer to them as a ‘picky eater’ for example, it may become a self fulfilling prophecy and when they get older they may even use that as an excuse to get out of trying different foods. Change it to, for example, they are discerning… cautious or finding out what they like best etc……. Even starting to talk to others (and ourselves in our own internal chatter) differently can help us to start experiencing the same situation differently. If we want things to change we must start that change with ourselves.
- They will do what you do and not what you say! Do you sit down and eat with them at mealtimes? Do you have the same food (do they have the same food as everyone else)? Do you enjoy eating and mealtimes?
- If they are a complainer, do what you need to do so that you can ignore the complaining or persistent whining. (Focus on your breathing or have some music going in the background, very low but enough to distract you when you notice yourself getting ‘reeled’ in.) The best and hardest thing to do is take a mental step back and see if you can imagine observing the scene. What are they doing (noting it as if you were an observer not a concerned parent)? What are you doing? Be curious and interested about what is going on but try to stay detached. There is no winner or loser.
- We can often get ‘worn down’ by the constant complaining and react to that. Food and mealtimes can become part of the bigger picture to see how much control they have over us (we reacted) or themselves and their environment (what they eat). Control with the fork can be a powerful thing. Once again, focus on what we can control ourselves – our response to their complaining or refusal.
For Them………….
- Make mealtimes positive. Can everyone sit down together? No tv or distractions. Mealtimes can be a hugely important time for communication. Some families use it as a time to go round the table and ask everyone the ’highs’ and ‘lows’ of the day. If children are smaller they will still be able to soak up the atmosphere. Remember that 55% of communication comes across from body language, 38% from tone of voice and only 7% from the words we use. So they do not even have to be able to talk and contribute to get the benefits!
- When they are toddlers, let them handle the food. At this stage it is all about experimenting and using their senses to explore the world, including their food. So it is worth a bit of mopping up or cleaning if they can get stuck in and can enjoy the look, smell, taste and feel of the food. I know this is easier for some parents than others but isn’t it great that is something we have control or choice about!
- Smaller children may find it hard to stick to mealtimes. If they are hungry at 5 and dinner is 6, just offer them some food that may have been part of the dinner – e.g. carrot sticks, slice of meat, small amount of mash etc… If they are really hungry they will take it.
- If they do not eat their dinner take it away after a reasonable or pre-decided period of time. The less focus on ‘not eating it’ the better. If they are hungry later you may offer the dinner again. If they do not take it, do not offer alternatives. If they are really hungry they will eat it. The key thing is to do it calmly and without a lecture or drama!
To Conclude………..
Remember that you are not alone. 2/3 of all parents worry, at some stage, about a child’s eating habits.
‘Things are as they are’ so no matter what stage you are at or what you have or have not done in the past, just start again from now.
From all of the above;
What one thing will you start to do?
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What one thing will you stop doing?
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What do you do already, that is working well for you and your family, will you continue to do ?
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‘I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli’.
George Bush
I would love to hear from you. If you have any thoughts, stories feedback or ideas you would like to share, please forward them to me at marian@theparentcoach.ie
