“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.” Stacia Tauscher
Who, other than yourself and their other parent do they respond well to and why?
When I work with groups of parents and ask this question, the answers are often a grandparent, Godparent, uncle/aunt or friend of the the family. Alternatively, it might be an older brother or sister or cousins who are preteens or teenagers.
Why? Because they are often the ones who express an interest in the child. They are often the ones who play with them, spoil them or just connect with them. They take time for them. Young children can tell when someone is genuinely interested or just going through the motions. They can spot the real thing a mile off!
So, with the valuable insight of who your child connects with and why, what might you as their parent take from that relationship and incorporate (if appropriate) into your relationship with your child.
If your child or children were asked to describe you, what would they say?
Consider the question, even if your child is only a baby or very young. Imagine what they might say if they could talk.
There is no right or wrong answer – just what you think, at this point in time and based on your interaction with them on a daily basis, they would say.
Having done that, are you happy with the answer they might give? If so, keep doing what you are doing? If not, what would you like them to say? What do you need to start doing that would enable them say it? What do you need to stop doing?
In Three Years time, will this matter?
This is the whole idea of picking your battles! If we were to think about it at length, the weight of responsibility of bringing up a child might weigh us down. (I hear you say it often does!!)
When faced on a daily basis with having to encourage co-operation, pass on family values and deal with challenging behaviour, it is easy for us and them to be overwhelmed and exhausted. So, when faced with having to pick the key points or areas that you are going to have family rules around and be consistent on, ask yourself the question.
If the answer is yes then you will know why it is important to follow through each time. Perhaps it is having meals at the dinner table together because you know that is a time for the whole family to connect and interact. Perhaps it is around showing respect, so no matter how many of their friends say ‘shut up’ you will not allow it in your home.
If the answer is no, then perhaps you might reconsider. Perhaps a messy room is not so bad or them going out with what we might consider to be an odd ensemble!
Life is precious and we never know how much time we have, so make the time we have matter. Don’t sweat the small stuff!
“The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four – of secondary importance is to prepare for being five.” –Jim Trelease
I would love to hear from you. If you have any thoughts, stories feedback or ideas you would like to share, please forward them to me at marian@theparentcoach.ieSet featured image
