Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
Herman Hesse
‘Ahh…….’
When working with groups of parents, this is nearly always the first response I hear when I put up a picture of a newborn baby. When I ask why that is so, the replies are often that the newborn appears so helpless and perfect. They appear vulnerable and that brings out our protective side.
Nature is incredible because it ensures a baby arrives in the world with the means to have their needs met. It does not take long for a parent to distinguish the cry which means ‘I am hungry – feed me!’ and the one which means ‘I need a nappy change’. There is the one for ‘no one has looked at me for a while’ and then ‘I’m tired’.
After the 6 or so weeks when they start to focus, they will catch our eye and enslave us for the next stage of the process!
As parents we get to know what ‘needs’ need to be met and pretty quickly will respond and even get to the stage of pre-empting them.
So, how often do you tap into your own ‘needs’ or wants! Can you recognise your own signs of needing rest/sleep,nourishment or someone to talk to (scream at/moan at/connect with)? When your body or soul is crying out for help – do you listen and respond or try to keep going through it? Do you recognise the signs and do you pre-empt to avoid getting to burn out when you are forced to do something?
If you have ever been on an aeroplane, you will have seen (hopefully!) the safety demonstration which tells parents to look after themselves before they attend to their children. If you try to put on their oxygen mask before your own, you may be overcome and they will not be in a position to help you.
So, when you read all the articles that say you should look after yourself and throw your eyes to heaven and say ‘ that’s all very well but………..’ stop and think. What are the consequences of not doing it? Ultimately it is selfish not to. (Probably the very reason why you are not doing it at the moment!) You may end up in a physical, mental or emotional state where you cannot be there for others.
It is not for me or anyone to say what YOU should or could do. Only you can know what will work for you in your situation. So all I ask is that during the month ahead you start to
- Notice when you have or have not listened to your own cries for help.
- Note down the times or things that cause most drain on you and your resources.
- Notice and note the times or the things that feed or top them up.
- Ask for help, Allow people to help and Accept help if and when it is offered.
- Know that if nothing changes, nothing changes. If you want change, if starts with you……….
Until next time
Marian
