o be or not to be – that is the question? Those famous words are often quoted and I do so again here in relation to the whole area of Godparenting. If and when it is relevant, it is an area where there is not much help or guidelines on offer to help us make decisions – if we feel we need help.
As a parent
• Who should we ask?
• What do we expect from them as a Godparent?
• What is involved?
If we are asked to be a Godparent
• What is expected?
• What is involved?
• Do I feel equipped for the role?
• Do I want to take on this role/responsibility?
• If I say yes, am I doing it because I want to or because I don’t want to say ‘no’!
As a parent, what is important?
• Have a clear understanding of what the role involves (from a Christian perspective).
• Consider what else you feel is important going forward (the level of involvement in key events and the childs life in general).
• Will this person be around (recent friendships may move on, if they live abroad how often might they get to see their Godchild etc)?
• Would you like them to be involved in birthdays and other christian events as they grow (communion or confirmation where relevant)?
• Will they add an extra dimension to your child’s life. For example they may be adventurous, funny, creative etc – something that you as parent(s) may not be.
• Are they interested in children. Might seem like an obvious one but even though they are your sister, cousin or best friend does not mean that they like, connect or feel comfortable with children.
• Are their values in line with yours?
• Do you trust them?
• As your child grows, there can be a huge positive impact from having another significant adult that the child can relate to that is not their parent. Perhaps through teenage years when they think that you are a ‘dinosaur’ or ‘antique’ who never listens or doesn’t understand them, they will listen to or turn to the Godparent. Would this person be someone you can see in that role?
If you are asked to be a Godparent you may feel flattered and may not want to say no. However, before you commit it is really important to consider all of the above as well. If you decide to accept;
• Do it properly. Commit important dates to memory or your diary. Birthdays are an obvious one but my brother (who is Godfather for one of my boys) rings me and his Godson in June each year on the anniversary of his Christening – a date which I annually forget!
• Make it your responsibility to keep in touch. Calling to see them where possible, texting or ringing or (if you are a real trendy Godparent) facebooking (if there is such a word!) or whatever is current when they are older.
• Make time to get to know them and establish a lasting relationship.
Godparenting is not about the presents. Where they are forthcoming it is great. If the child is one of two, three or four in a family, the gift from a Godparent can help them feel special as they may be the only child in that family to get a present from that person. Something unique to them. However, it is more about the relationship. A great quote comes to mind…….
‘Children need your presence more than your presents’
Jesse Jackson
I would love to hear from you. If you have any thoughts, stories feedback or ideas you would like to share, please forward them to me at marian@theparentcoach.ie
